i think i have that ailment andrei's been talking about. The one you get from typing too much. (forgot what its called.) my hand really hurts right now,it feels like some vein got twisted or something.
Anywaayy... just got home from the movies. I watcher BAD BOYS with Paul and Kiel today. And i'm still wondering what happened to Angel. She was supposed to be there with us. The movie was nice. It was a bit morbid but nice.
well... couldn't say much coz my hand really hurts. maybe i'll try posting something more interesting next time.

last sunday in church, i did some thinking. I was thinking how religion could help an individual through life. Personally, i can't imagine myself not believing in a supreme being bigger than anything else that is in this lifetime(or beyond it.) i can't see myself living each day of my life thinking that this is all there is to it. Having something to believe in makes me more thankful not only of the good things but the shitty things as well. (i guess our pastor in church is really effective..) wala lang.. just thought of writing this down because it was only recently that i appreciated all those sunday worship services that my family and i go to.

coup d'etat naaa!!!!

ohno!

wah.... am feeling really blank right now because i have no one to think about romantically.. hayy.. really pathetic and absurd.
i miss pinning over someone psychotically and paranoidilly...wow..what a word! life just seems sooooo boring when you're so idle.. damn..

have been trying to perk myself up by playing lego with tatin but to no avail. i just end up getting pissed at her everytime she disassembles what i've put together. tried water coloring with her too but she ends up dirtying my work when her paper's all soiled with paint and water. damn..

mailed my mom a couple of times today and anticipating the shopping we'd be doing when i get there next week. wish i were there now..damn...

still not ok about friend. Sometimes, she still pisses me off... damn... but i miss her terribly..damn...

i am eating too much again..damn..

i just got into thinking about this because a friend of mine is celebrating his 20th birthday today. (btw, happy birthday to you ping, ulit! =))
after my 18th birthday, i lost that 'happiness' i get everytime my birthday came. mostly, i didn't feel happy because i didn't feel like there was really something to celebrate about (other than me getting older a year.) thinking about it more, when i turned 18, family problems were already happening and little did i know that it was just gonna be the start of a long phase of craziness. when i turned 19, i had to celebrate my birthday with the facade that i was celebrating it with the return of my brother. It was a birthday/homecoming for my brother who just got out of drug rehab. personally, i didn't feel that it should be celebrated(his coming back) but my parents thought it was something special so what can i do? (i guess i was a pretty bratty sister then) ow, and i just realized this now, it wasn't just the family prob.. it was also because of the love life situation i was in that time..it was really crazy and i guess, i got really anxious of what he'll do for me that night. i was expecting something special. Well, he did something special alright.. hehe.. he arrived first and left last at my party. (and sat like a silent, obedient puppy dog all through out the night.) i hated my 18th birthday because it wasn't the way i imagined it to be, (and my cake was really a horrid sight!). i hated my 19th birthday too because i didn't really have time to party. Stupid me, i was feeling responsible for the sounds, the food and the place all night. Never really got to spend time with my guests. I really hated it. and my 20th birthday..sigh...it just gets worse every year. i never really wanted to celebrate it this year. (again, i didn't think there was anything to celebrate) but i forced myself into thinking that maybe if i give it a try, it'd turn out ok even just a bit. But hell, it didn't at all. After an expensive lunch with my friends from school, i went home feeling more depressed than ever. it was a normal day pretending to be my birthday. really pathetic.

so, why am i writing this again? because i understand why some people just don't like celebrating their birthdays.

kaasar lang.. share ko lang.. i was doing my paper in com earlier and nag hang yung pc kse i was saving on a full diskette na pala.. ayun. nawala yung tinaype ko.. bad trip!!!!!

first love does die but it can never be forgotten...

i was chatting with an old chatmate last night and we kinda talked about relationships. i was telling him about my fears about certain instances that i know will happen in my young life. and he told me that love does die.i guess he said that because i told him i'd love this guy forever. i have this fear of never really being able to let go completely. I have let go of certain things but am still holding on to some things. but this fear isn't because of what it may do to me as an individual but because of what it may do to my future relatioships. I've been thinking, and it only occured to me a couple of weeks ago that i might go on and look for him in other people. when i told my friend that, he said it'll be so unfair for my future guy. and yes, even before he said that, i knew that was what it'll look like. of course i don't want to be unfair to a guy i haven't even met yet. and that's what i'm so afraid of. the big possibility of hurting someone without even knowing who he is really scares me. my friend went on explaining that he thought he won't be able to let go of his 'true love' but he was. and now, he's happy with his girlfriend. I remember watching this one episode of SATC when carrie said that a relationship defies another relationship (with big and adan ripping her in two) and for as long as i could remember, i've been thinking bout that and hoping that it is true. my friend even told me that there will be a guy out there who would make me so much happier, more in love and what have you. maybe, but i'm not really counting on it yet.

on a lighter note, i have proceeded to being the matchmaker of the day. hehe.. i told rita i'd hook her up with my cousin from UA&P. i'm really excited about it. But of course, if it fails (nicely i hope) no one blames me.. ehehhee i'm just trying to be a nice friend and cuz...i really should tell my cousin about this thing i'm planning for him and my friend..hehe..

anyway, i'm late. hafta go meet van pa for the gym.. darn.. haven't starte my comm paper yet...

sakit ng chan ko...huuuu......

uy...grabe...

had a great time last night with my benchmates at Gerrys...saya kumain ni Darren! hehehehe sarap siguro libre sha sa eat all you can! heheeh anyway, i was really glad paul and ping got to join us! saya tuloy! =) heheeh and yung "brief incident" ni paul was the best! heheeheh.. anyway, i got home 10 minutes after my curfew..which was 10 pm..talk about being strict..tapos sabi pa ng mom ko.." o, why are you late?" huh???? 10 minutes lang naman eh... sus..

hay... spent 3 hours in the gym today. got to talk to my blockmate's mom pa. then, i went home na and my mom was steaming mad at tatin kse naman, si tatin,,, ang kulit. she opened this newly bought film (yung pang camera) and she pulled the film out of the tube.. ayun...hehehe ang kyut noh?

well. nothing really insightful to write about.. i'm thinking my blog's really such a bore to read. Maybe next time i should write something more interesting and relevant.

oh well... next time na lang k?

thank you Andrei sa pag-ayos ng pc ko.;)

qoute for the day: keep your friends close and your enemies closer

hayy... saya mag gym today. maui and i spent around 2 hours there and ngayon lang talaga ako nag full workout..as in.. lahat ginawa ko talaga. :) hehehe
anyway, i'm at my mom's office now and i'm still waiting for her...sabi kse 4:30 daw ko dumating dito..yun pala..di pa sha ready.. hay..buhay nga naman... driver na driver.... tamang pag antayin pa daw ako..=)

anyway, there's this 19 y/o guy who's been texting me and i really don't know where he got my number. I've been asking him to recall where he did but he also doesn't know..daw...nacu... if this is one of my friends playing a trick on me,,, lagot kayo sakin. anyway, wrong move kaya yun? eh kse tipid ko sa credits...eh kulit mag text so sabi ko tawagan na lang nya ako... hayy.. i dunno.. bahala..i'll update on this one na lang..

hmmm..kanina, napagalitan na naman ako ng guard sa school..kse naman eh...di ko napansin na one way na pala yung daan.. sorry po...:)

hmmm.....di pa rin tapos mom ko.....

i want to vomit right now. I had brunch at kenny's about an hour ago and i got so full...i really wanna throw up. HAYY... kain kain pa kse eh.. anyway, i really should be studying for my IS class tonight but i really just don't feel like doing that right now. And besides, my blog needs updating.. hahah.. feeling ang importante mashado ng blog. Anyway ulit, i met someone at the gym yesterday. Paul's blockmate i think. Weird. It totally slipped off my mind to ask her if she knew Paul. i guess i'm not thinking about him too much anymore. Well and good. (but sad of course). I haven't slept in my room yet and i miss sleeping on my bed. For the past 3 nights, i have been sleeping in my parents bedroom, on their couch..i miss my bed.. tagal naman kse matanggal ng amoy ng pintura noh.

hayy.. wala na namang kwenta tong pinagsasabi ko..

last saturday, while having lunch, andrei and i were debating on whether i should still get a laptop or not. Why i want a laptop, i'm not really sure. because it's convenient to have around with you when you need to finish a paper for school and the computer labs never seem to have enough computers for the thousands of students who want to use pcs? because i miss my laptop and i want a replacement, after all, it wasn't my fault it got lost? because i want to have a computer in my room and my parents just won't allow me to bring the pC in my room because they're addicted to spider solitaire and hearts?

i really thought i had good reasons. but all andrei said was " gusto mo lang ng pamporma" ... we-ell....

oo nga siguro.. hahah.. ang loser ko talaga.... :) eh astig naman kse talaga magka laptop diba??? ;)

putcha... nasususka pa rin ako... sama umulan na diba para mejo lumamig naman ang panahon..

hay... tama na nga muna.. pag mas may matino na kong sasabihin.. baybay.

i signed up for COSA today,,,hehehe and i really made a mess out of my interview...hehehe eto sample:

1.if you were a word, any word, what would you be?
Rainbow kse its not always there but when it comes out ang ganda ganda..

2.if you were a movie, what movie would you be?
Beauty and the beast..kse i always fall for the ugly guy...hindi joke lang,,, kse i want to hang out with outcasts...

3.if you were a fruit what fruit would you be?
grape.coz i don't want to be alone.

grabe...ang lupit ko diba?
eh hindi naman kse ako sanay sa ambush interview eh, mahilig kse ako mag isip. pero pano na yun pag sa trabajo diba? oh well....

i went to the gym with maui today and inggit ako sakanya dahil nakuha nyang trainer si MARK. Eh yun lang naman yung pinakagwapong trainer dun... hmph... buti pa si Mau..hehehehe

this morning, nagpaka hermit ako.. i stayed at the loyola house and just looked at the mountains. I don't know what made me do that. i guess i just wanted to be alone...as if i don't have enough of that in my life eh noh? pero it was nice being alone... kahit sandali lang. i guess i'm gonna do that again...one of these days.

ayun..may GA pa ko sa KYTHE mamyang 430...grabe... byers..

i'm glad i finally got to talk to him about the things that i've been thinking about. i told him that i was sad he wasn't able to go last friday because i was really looking forward to spending time with him because i really missed him. i'm glad he apologized although i didn't think there was a need for that, i'm still glad he did. i also told him about my fear of losing him as my friend. I really don't know how i was able to tell him that. It took me some time before i let those words get out of my mouth, it was like, 'umm...kse ano eh... wait ...sigh...". I really wanted to tell him that but i didn't want to sound too confusing and just mess things up more for us. it felt really nice hearing him tell me that that would never happen (well,, sort of)
on my way home tonight, i was thinking about him again and i really feel that i've let go of him already. I mean, right now, i feel that i lost that i-want-you-to-be-my-boyfriend feeling. which i think is good. Both for him and me. Now, he wouldn't have to think if i'm still in love with him(if he ever did that is) and i won't be so miserable without him. i think now i'm ready for the next level of our friendship..well, that is us being JUST friends and just that. while all this seems too sad to think of, i'm actually glad that i'm feeling this way. i guess i was just too engrossed with the thought that i could never have him in my life any other way but him being my better half or whatever you guys call it, but now that i'm assured of his being my friend, i'm so ok with that. He's my friend... and that makes all the difference. Thanks paul. :)

tiring tiring monday... and i'm not even supposed to be in school today.
heniwei, my group in IS is doing this paper on Gay lingo and Kanto lingo.. it sounds interesting to me and i hope my teacher thinks so too...although sabi sabi ng mga tao, ay isang badash din ang aking propesor.. ok lang... =) astig nga yun eh... heniwei, my brother's in davao already and i don't know if i'm being such a bratty kid again but i'm actually getting jealous of all the attention my parents are giving him right now.. All of a sudden, they're putting up all these business oppurtunities for him there (meaning, we'd, ummm they'd have to send him a kahuna load of cash for investment.) thus, i'm left with my meager P500/ week allowance and shitty computer at home...(damn i miss my laptop)
ewan ko ba... last saturday i was feeling like a good sister so i texted my brother and said "kuya, ingat ka jan ha?Ü sori if i've been a bitch to you, but you know why naman diba?nways, I love you!Ü" and guess what he texted back? "ok"....wow... na touch ako dun... leche...
friday was tiring as hell as well.. had to go through A LOT for that but i guess it was all worth it... in a way... :) natuwa naman si haze eh.. diba haze?? =) and.. although i'm so much poorer now... wow...whataword.. i'm still glad it happened the way it did.. sarap sana maglasing kaya lang baka di na ko magising ng saturday.
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i saw him pala today and i deliberately ran away from him.. i wasn't in the mood for any lame excuse eh.. and besides, i'm really perking myself into the i'm-so-over-you-i-don't-want-to-think-about-it phase. i still can't believe he didn't go last friday... but, he's got a point.. it was schoolwork...who can argue with that? blockmates and all.... sheesh... (bitttttterrrrrr...........)

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ayun.. dami ko na nasabi... at ang blog ni ping, ayaw mag open.. kay labo... i miss reading your posts pinggoy! at pasabi kay den, nakahiram na ko ng guitar sa pinsan ko.. turuan nya ko!!! =)

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ciao!

HaPpY BiRtHdAy HazELLe!!!!

i have another 45 minutes to waste before my 430 class starts... so here i am.
boring ng school. i rarely get to hang out with my friends anymore and seems like i won't be able to for the rest of the sem. Everyone's just so fucking busy. anyway, i don't want to study for my IS quiz later because no matter how much i read on that, it will all just depend on how galing i am on making bola my answers...(please please...teach me right english.. hahaha) i don't know what else i should be doing but i really don't want to do anything right now but enjoy blogging...its very relaxing. whatever..
it feels so much like i'm in college..ngek.. ngayon lang ba mag sink in? pano ba naman... hanggang 7:30 yung class ko today.. eh nung grade school ako, 8:30 pm pinapatulog na ko ng nanay ko.
howell.... tumatanda na talaga tayo.
i hatge myself for being so anti-social sometimes. I just don't get that hyped up talking to nonsense people... well, who does? but i really tend to isolate myself and after doing so, i pity myself for being such a loner. (wow,,,so much for the ironies of my life.)
wah,,, kabaliwan.. minsan iniisip ko, bakit nyo pa binabasa yung mga pinagsususlat ko dito... hehehehe
mahal nyo siguro talaga ako. =)
anyway, yun na lang.. naubos na sasabihin ko...