tomorrow, one of my bestfriends will be celebrating her third year anniv with her boyfriend. i called her up and lo and behold, they're starting the celebration as early as tonight.. no they're not doing some hanky panky thing, they're just out on a date.
sometimes, oh ok, most of the time, i dream about having my own anniv. i used to celebrate Jan.12 because sa far, that has been the closest i could get to an anniv.. but i realized that celebrating an "anniv" alone is just not the same.. (erm, do i need to explain that further?)
so, back to my friend and her three year relationship. i've been with them from the start. i've always backed their relationship, i've helped her sneak out for a date, i have told her mom a dozen lies just so they could meet and i was there when they finally told her parents that they were "mag-on", and so were the rest of her guests in her debut. her mom cried and pinched me. she told me "sabi na nga ba eh.. pinagtakpan mo pa noh.." and i didn't just do all of those sneaky things because she's my friend. somehow, i felt that i wasn't wasting my time helping her out because i've always believed that they would last forever. and fortunately, i was not mistaken. whenever i see them, i don't see a mushy kadiri couple helplessly trying to make the relationship work out. I see a love so effortless that it all seems but natural.
then, one of my other bestfriends just broke up with her boyfriend who she's been with for a year and a couple of months. well, i love my bestfriend and all but i just really don't know what to say about her ex. and that love needed so much effort that i just knew it wasn't gonna last.

i just watched till there was you on cinema 1. piolo doesn't know how to kiss... sayang.. anyway, i guess that explains my senti mushy mode again..
anyway, duty calls. need to be driver again for mader..

this week, the days seem to be moving so slowly. maybe because i seem to be doing nothing at all. despite the fact that i need to do one last paper for my Visual arts class and read 136 pages of readings for my philosophy oral exams that's going to happen two weeks from now, i still feel that i am not doing anything. but i'm not complaining. This at least beats being stressed out all the time. i'm actually thankful that the hell weeks are done.

i'll be having a "field trip" on saturday and i can't find the courage to ask for P550 from my mom for the fee. you see, i'm already loaning 7000 from her to buy a new phone. i'm thinking of paying for the trip myself but i was thinking of using my savings (all P500 of it, hehehe) for the phone. hassle..sana milyonaryo na lang kami.

had my oral test in history this morning. generally, i think it went pretty well. it was a group oral test anyway. i only need now to wait for the results to know if i will get exempted from another oral test.

jeri, ellimac and i watched momento at los otros today. galing ng movie na yun. nakakahilo at nakakakulot ng utak pero astig. it would be interesting to meet someone who has temporary memory loss. sarap pagtripan siguro. anyway, i recommend the movie if you guys want to watch something with a little bit of a twist.

there. it's just tuesday...damn.

btw, got my period already! yey! i'm not abnormal anymore! :D

yey! New Skin!

i haven't had my period for three whole months now. No i'm not pregnant. i haven't had any kind, to say the least, of physical contact with the opposite sex. I'm feeling the abdominal and chest(breast) pains already so i'm thinking and hoping i'm having it soon.

i recently finished 3/4 of all my classes. I am now just taking one class every mondays, wednesdays, and fridays and one class during tuesdays and thursdays. after my classes, i slack around at starbucks, waste my money on a venti white chocolate that tastes like nido, on a chickenjoy and on mcdonalds fries, although i won't call the last two wasting money because it's all worth it.

I'm still feeling terrible about myself though. somehow, food does not give me satisfaction anymore. well and i good i suppose. I don't have reasons and excuses of eating now. but of course, i still can't stop myself from eating. and i don't think that that is the least surprising.

i got to talk with happytuesday this afternoon as she was eating chicken nuggets at mcdonalds and as i was trying to finish my starbucks nido.(and we saw sweatbloddtears' sister there too..she's really pretty :) while talking to her i realized how much in life i still want. i won't go into boring details here but i really want a whole lot more than this life i have right now.
i realized how extraodinarily ordinary my family life is. (or at least my parents are.) they're quite hard to explain because they're such intellectuals and me describing how they are won't really give them enough justice. but we are an abnormally normal family because in a world where everything is but normal, being normal is so boring.

when we got back at starbucks, i had the worst time of mixed emotions yet. i couldn't understand why at the same moment i was feeling sleepy, active, frustrated, sad, depressed, guilty, inlove, out of love, (fuck scott peck.) murderrous, tame, invalid, sick, stupid, ugly and explosive. (or was it implosive?)
in other words, that was the worst bout of feeling terrible that i ever had.
going home, i kept on screaming at myself. I must've really looked stupid if you happen to see me from outside. I kept on shouting and cursing and somehow, it made me feel a little better(not about myself of course, but a little better about the situation i was/am in.) i drove like a madman to my mom's office and when i got there, i slumped in her couch and waited for her to finish playing text twist on her PC.

i really don't understand why i'm feeling so useless right now. for the first time in two months, there aren't any long tests to worry about, no papers to do and no reports to fix. i am actually feeling free as a bird with regard to schoolwork and i'm really grateful for this because i actually don't need a reason to get crazier. inow that i should at least try to accomplish all the other things that i'm supposed to be finishing for this sem but i feel that i should grant myself an off this week from all the hassles of school.

i got to spend time with mr.smiles today. (yes, from now on, he is mr.smiles.) i got to spend two minutes with him. (that's still spending time in my book) what's funny is that before i left for school this morning, i was thinking about him and thinking of how i should ask him to help me with my closure. ow, but i've had my closure of him already. i think and believe that i am over him already but i just want to be able to talk to him and clear things out and not just be content at leaving everything so ambigous between us. but he's the least of my troubles now. really.
i remember i was telling happytuesday too about lola(mr.smile's blockmate who i am having a terrible time liking) lola is named such because she looks terribly like one. with a long skirt and a shirt with flower prints all over it. (i'm bad. i am not exactly the trendiest person) and i also have seen lola smoke. boy this is where she sucks the most. its bad enough that she smokes, but smoking to look cool...ewan ko na lang. she's the hithit-buga type and looking at her, it just doesn't fit her lola image. well anyway, i think this hatred that i have of her stems from my being jealous of her spending more time with mr.smiles than me. of course she'll be spending more time with mr.smiles since they're blockmates and all.DUH.(sorry talking to myself here...) i dunno. maybe i really just don't like girls hanging around mr.smiles in general. maybe not. i don't know. as i was saying, i spent two minutes this morning with mr.smiles and well, it was ok. we got to chat for a while, but i never got to asking him about my closure. i didn't think it was the right time anyways. Mr.smile's power still works. after parting ways, i found myself smiling. maybe mr.smile still has that special place in my heart (eeeeewwww..how awfully cheesy..)