i just finished reading THE NOTEBOOK by Nicholas Sparks (i think he's also the author of a walk to remember, hehe) and boy was it a real tearjerker. i literally sobbed(umm, whined?) while i was reading it this morning. Its a really nice LOVE STORY, almost a tragedy but not quite.

sigh....... reading it brought back so many memories, so many feelings and so many desires..

it was actually surprising how much in common i had with the characters (both the male and female protagonists) and reading it made me believe that there is such a thing as true love out there (even if it is not based on a true story or something).

i was surprised at how moved i was by the story.. it was my first time to actually cry, not shed a tear ha, while reading a book. oftentimes i get teary eyed lang pero this time, sus, it was like i was the one having the broken heart...(or maybe it was me...??)

anyway, it's a good read..and maiksi lang sha so i recommend it.

..................

i went to intramuros this afternoon with my parents and well, wala. Ang patay nung place kse it's actually a night place. Ewan ko ba kung bat nila naisipan na pumunta dun ng tanghaling tapat...parang deserted (umm desserted?) texan cowboy town tuloy yung pinuntahan namin.. so after looking around, punta naman kme sa roxas blvd.

wow...bago na pag post...galing

wala na naman akong pasok today...ansaya talaga pero eto na naman ako, dahil walang ginagawa, isip na lang ng isip ng kung ano ano. Gumugulo tuloy lalo buhay ko.

Last night, i found it hard trying to get some sleep. THings just kept on popping in my head and i ended up thinking about eveyrything and anything until around 2 am.

i always wondered why most of the things in life come in pairs. For example, if there's good, there's bad; beautiful, ugly;sexy,obese;intelligent,stupid;love,hate; or.....

when we're so happy one second, there sure will be a sad moment the next, a sunny day and a rainy day; life,death; hope,frustration; love, pain....

napaisip lang ako... bakit ba hindi na lang kasi tayo magmahalan?!?!!?!?

kuha ko to sa atenista.net....

we can never describe love in words. but maybe we can say what love is not.. so tell me, what is love not?

at ang mga sagot:
In my own words... Love is not conditional.
Love is not parasitism. (Also from Road Less Travelled
real love dosnt pop up like mushrooms...
its not free.
Love is not effortless.
love is not selfish
Love is not superficial / shallow ...
Love should not be a waste of time...

Love is not just any four-letter word.

And most important of all...

Love is not just a feeling... it is mostly seen in one's actions
...is NEVER what it seems.
tingin ko ang pagmamahal ay hindi nawawala ng parang bula... or does it?
Love isn't flowers and candy. It's commitment. It's compromise. It's far from the rosiness depicted by Hallmark. But once you've been entrapped by the feeling that fills you when you get a whiff of the air that surrounds your beloved, you know why you'd go through Hell or high-water for them.


at ang mahiwaga kong sagot sa tanong na yan...

Love is not without hurt
love is not without consequences

love is not ink on paper that fades with time

love is not temporary

love is never clear

i've been to the moon and back.. but i still have no one to love..

what is the truth behind our memory and our sense of smell being connected in a way?
is it true that we can recall certain things by smelling certain scents?
i always remember someone when i smell kiel.. and that person's not kiel at all..
i remember someone when i smell coffee beans particularly at starbucks..
i feel so happy---remember so many happy memories when i smell this certain cologne someone gave me before
so what's with my nose and my head?

i'm still sad

i don't know if this blog makes sense...

because right now, nothing to me makes sense.

at all

i miss him so much and i can't do anything about it.

sorry for my random thoughts...

man, i still love him?!! FF@)#$$U)CNJ#)#($(@#*!_*

i'm gonna buy a pet dog...

someone i'll really love this time..
i'll bathe her and kiss her and hug her and make her sleep on my bed

i still want that someone i could travel to the moon and back with..

he's taking so long to find me...

or to realize that i'm there.

whatever....

grabe...no time for blogging... labo nun.. kse tatlong araw naman ako walang pasok kada linggo..tamad lang siguro ako.. hehehe... hay...

nakakatamad...

happy birthday to meeeeh!

hahaha.... hay naco.... i woke up pretty early today.. talk about excited... got my eyes open at around 5:30 am..and to think its not even a school day for me today...grabe..

anyway, i changed my cell phone profile from 4getAbtHm! to 4gotten!!. new birthyear new life...haha.... i wish i could keep up with myself just once.. i am slowly realizing how really fickle minded i can get. really fickle minded.

i'm celebrating my birthday with a lot of other people dear to me so happy birthday to:
Patrick Tirano!;)
my tito ART
and my cousin Mariel!

wahaha..nagiging dedication board na to! yuckee..

Say goodnight, not goodbye- Chantal Kreviazuk

say goodnight, not goodbye
you will never leave my heart behind
like the path of a star i'll be anywhere you are
in this warmth that lies beneath the cold
in the secret place inside your soul

keep my love
in your eyes
say goondight, not goodbye

dont you fear
when you dream
waking up is never what it seems
like a dune very deep
like a promise meant to keep

you are everything wanna be
so just let your heart reach out to me

i'll be right by your side
say goodnight, noot goodbye

you are everything you wanna be
so just let your heart reach out to me

keep my life in your arms
say goodnight, not goodbye

i also like this one...In my life

well, we're back from that trip i was talking about and i'm glad i came. Although last friday really was by far the worst case of PMSing i've been through..actually, it's not over yet. On the way to bataan, everyone was so quiet in the car. (well, everyone except tatin, our little angel of course..) and i was getting pretty irritable because the traffic was horrible, we were in such a confined space(i really think we should get a van soon) and my brother was so comfortable in front with all the ac vents blowing on his face..i was feeling really weird...i half felt like crying for whatever reason, and half felt like i really wanted to punch the lights out of my brother for being so bossy..

we got to the beach at around 3 in the afternoon. I thought 'just in time to rest for a while and maybe check out the beach later..' so that's what i did exactly. at around 4, i went to the beach with tatin, and i watched her play on the sand. it was fun seeing her so happy and just looking at the view. And although the place we stayed at was so far from paradise, it was good enough. AC rooms, lounging chairs and my dad even brought our hammock.. so there...almost paradise.. and the good thing was, there was no TV! (it was good because i can't stand it when my brother does nothing but watch till his eyes pop out..) but then again, all he did was sleep...fine with me.. at least i didn't have to talk to him right?

dinner friday night was really nice. My dad cooked and we ate..hehe... but after that, i had to sneak out of the house and go hide somewhere to smoke.. and boy did that feel good..i was so full and sitting there at the side of the house looking at the moon and smoking felt real good.
when i got back, i went to sit in one of those lounging chairs and tatin came to me, tapped my arm and whispered something in my ear while pointing at my parents who were having coffee at the other end of the terrace. she said "tita, tingin mo o,,si Beauty and the beast." that made my day .=)

when the table was clear, my dad got this devotional book he's been reading and well, sort of had a small bible study session with the whole family. i liked it so much that we did that. For a long time, i haven't been feeling that we were really a family. and at that moment, it felt as though we were like what we were before (cept maybe for my brothers incessant sighing and making dabog..

then i played cards with my dad and got tips on playing tong-its from the pro...hehehe...

anyway, although i'm as dark as ever because of the beach, that trip was really worth it..

HaPpY BiRtHdAy ToNi!Ü

i started my day (my fifth last day of summer) at the gym with my bestfriend. Vanessa has been really go with this gym thingy... hell, i don't even think she's needs it..i mean, she has the sexiest body..;)

anyway, van and i have been eyeing this one trainer there at moro, this bald, tall god..hehehe. And while i was at the treadmill this morning, he was there fixing the out of order treadmill beside mine and after fixing it, he decided to give it a ride...boy, i never watched anyone run as manly as he did...well, maybe paul when he was running that 15 km fun run he had when he was in 4th year..haha..but seriously, i wanted to run with him(the trainer) right there... i'm such a loser... =(

anyway, my parents planned this long weekend with the family... huling hirit ng bakasyon.. we're going to this beach(again) at bataan and i'm wondering if i could pull van to come along with us...after all, it is bataan. It seems like i can't have enough of her now a days... i've been with her practically the whole week and although i've been looking like a really pretty driver for my bestfriend, i don't mind...its fun hanging out with a real live angel once in a while.. :)

yesterday, van, pat and i spent the afternoon at this cafe in UP. We had really fudgy choclate cake and fresh strawberry shake that tasted the least nice. (but they liked it..) The two of them, van being the asthmatic she is and pat being allergic to anything and everything were begging me to stop smoking. i did. After my pack was finished...hehehee....bad bad bad..

anyway, we were talking about my upcoming birthday.. yes, as lonesome as i feel right now, they still want to celebrate my becoming 20. yikes. i'm turning 20!!!! 20 and still useless.20 and still single.20 and oh so innocent. hay....

i don't know exactly why, but somehow, i don't feel like celebrating at all.. I just want it to pass. But everyone's been asking me what i want to do, and i actually don't know what i want to do... and besides, its not like i have money to celebrate with.. but it's not that at all. i just don't feel like celebrating... (at least not right now..maybe on the 17th)

anyway, i should be packing my things for the beach already... wowowee...kelan kaya ako makakapagpack ng two piece?? soon enough... hahaha.... ayan...sige magpaka optimistic daw ba ako???

Ü

june 10, 2003

my mom has a distorted sense of bonding.

yesterday, while i was at the movies with vanessa, i got this text message from my mother: 'where are you right now? can you go here to my ofis earlier?let's go bonding'.
For a fifty year old woman, i consider my mom really cool. But sometimes, she can really be so off on the cool department. after reading the message, i reply saying that i was still in school, in line to have my id picture taken. 'told her i'd be at her office as soon as i could. So right after the movie, i brought van back to her house and went to my mom's office. When i got there, she wasn't ready to go yet so i said i'd go check my email first. Then at around 4 pm, she goes to me, and reads my mail with me. (AND I HATE THAT SO MUCH! I WANT TO BE ABLE TO READ MY MAILS IN PEACE FOR GOODNESS SAKE!) She asks me where i want to go. I tell her its her call since i really don't know what she was up to at that moment. Then she said, she didn't want to watch a movie and she didn't want to go to a place where there were a lot of people. I thought of this place at UP since it was near and it seemed to me that she just wanted to have dinner. I said 'dun tayo sa mahal na place na sinasabi nyo sa UP.' then she erupts.. like dante's peak.. i only said 'mahal' since that was the only description i have of the place.. i didn't mean to sound like a bratty bitch and take advantage of the situation by asking her to pay for my P300 dinner. (Hell, i would've asked her to eat isaw with me..)but then again, she was too mad to shut her clattering mouth. and away flew things like 'ang abusado mo talaga... do you think it a privelege for you to be treated out for dinner...hindi lang naman ikaw yung pinagkakagastusan no?...etc etc etc...' naturally i got pissed as well, what was supposed to be a peaceful dinner between me and mom last night became a gruesome talk/shouting between us in her office (with really thin walls...meaning her employees heard us fighting and crying..) p-a-t-h-e-t-i-c.

we ended up going home and eating water tasting nilaga.

then this morning i bring her to her office and on the way there, she apologizes for what happened last night. I too apologize for being rude and actually talking back.

then, just this afternoon, i go to pick her up from work. when i was about 2 minutes away from her office, i missed call her phone so she could go down to the main door already and i wouldn't have to go fetch her in her office... i got there a minute late and she was already steaming mad because she waited for a minute!

i really can't understand her sometimes....

but i still love her ...

i just can't understand her...

maybe it's menopause?

wwwwaaaaahhhhh!!!!!!!!! nakakaloka gumawa ng sched!!!!!!

puno na lahat ng slots!!!!!!!!!!!! LLLLLLEEEECCCCHHH!!!

everytime i smoke in my room at home, i tie up my curtains, open the screen and put on my electric fan and face it to the window. this has been my ritual ever since, and until now,even if my parents know that i smoke, i still do that. i just don't want my room smelling like smoke guess. But yesterday, something about the ritual was broken. I did the usual things but for some reason, when i was doing my own business of smoking my post meal stick, i stared out into the horizon beyond our neighbors roof. then i realized someone was looking at me, looking out there..there was this gurl standing by a window, their house a street away from ours.(my room is located at the back of our house if u can't understand how i was able to see that) Now i was wondering if she could see me from where i was standing, because i was pretty far, so i smiled. duuhh....its not as if she smiled, id see her...she was even farther.... or smaller.. so i waved my hand at her and kinda felt like a pretty big fool after that. hehe ... then,

she waved back...

i know i wouldn't recognize her even if we saw each other in the village. but having her wave back at me felt really nice even if waving to someone i initially didn't know felt really idiotic.

but now i wonder, when else does she look in my room? i better not forget to put the curtains down the next time i go out of my bathroom...